Warrior - Chapter Fifty Six

Leaning over to the water fountain besides the bench, I gulped down as much water as I needed to calm my beating heart and lungs. With that satisfaction fulfilled, I plopped myself back down on the bench and looked up towards the sky. Trees did obstruct my view, but it wasn't so bad. Birds were chirping around me, and the squirrels were running around and climbing trees, going on with their business.

As I gazed up at the sky and let the sounds of nature comfort me, I couldn't help but to think of last night. The nightmare is now long forgotten, especially since I can't even recall what had happened. Normally the details would stay with me for a day or so - sometimes even longer - but for whatever reason.... Sure, I know it  had something to do with him but other than that... I just no longer can remember any detail.

What I do remember is what happened between Arnav Singh Raizada and I last night - for the most part, at least. And those visions repeatedly played in my head, even the events of this morning. Part of me is absolutely fucking irritated that my brain is being so fucking stupid and annoying, but the rest of me....

I don't even know how to explain it.

I remembered the way I had felt Arnav's lips this morning with my fingers and... geez, why did I even-? But still.... I just wanted- no! For some reason, I just needed to know what they felt like and... and that's crazy right? Like absolutely crazy! Like what is this shit? What, just because he took such good care of me, I'm just melting into goo for him?

No! What the fuck-?! No!

NO!

This isn't a fucking movie where you just fall head over heels and go ga-ga goo-goo after one act of kindness - that's fucking bullshit! People should act with kindness no matter what!

...and yet still....

This is fucking nuts, honestly! This just... no it can't... I can't....

Sigh... why does shit have to be so fucking complicated for?

Putting my hands in the pockets of my zip up hoodie, I looked at a squirrel run by.

You've got it so easy, Mr. Squirrel. Be glad you're not a fucking human- great! Now I'm talking to a fucking squirrel! What's next? The fucking birds? Fucking Snow White ass, Aurora ass, princess ass.... At least you kept it in your damn mind!

Letting out an exasperated sigh, I put my hood on my head and leaned my head back, turning my attention back to the sky.

Even though I shouldn't just melt into putty because Arnav did one good deed, doesn't mean I shouldn't credit him. Well, okay, this isn't the first time, there were the other times as well. ...And I guess, episodes aside, he's always been.... I mean, remember the thing with the pani puri? Or even the wedding dress? Or even... wow... now that I think about it... he's just always been nice to me and... and he's always been there for me, supported me.

And the way he supported me last night, well... that was the best of them all, so far.

I can't help but to reflect over my one- plus-month marriage with Arnav, versus my last one. Unlike my last marriage, which had instantly started with discomfort on our first night, this one... well there wasn't any discomfort - not because of this marriage, at least. In my last marriage, I had to sleep besides him even though I wasn't comfortable, but just didn't know how to voice it. This time... well I didn't even have to say anything this time because Arnav beat me to it. Instead, this time, I was asked to sleep on the bed while Arnav slept on the floor.

It's sometimes so crazy realizing how there's these huge differences. Like I never made any indication of any interest towards him. Like the way I now freely wear what I want, not caring if I showed skin - I didn't do that when I was married to him because first of all, his family was too posh for that shit, and second, I just didn't feel so comfortable.

And yet now, it's Arnav that turns into a tomato when he sees me in a crop top and shorts.

Like what's up with that? Okay, sure, the first time Arnav ever saw me at my parents' house, I wore something with full sleeves - but it teased cleavage and flashed legs! And I've worn sleeveless dresses around him after that so like what the fuck has him blushing now? I mean the weather is getting better and it's getting hotter; I'm going to wear shorts if I want, as well as tank tops, crop tops, bandeaus, etc if I feel like it.

So what the fuck?

You'd think he had a crush-

No.

Nooooo.

Noooooooooooooooo!!!

...no? I mean... no.... no? But- noooooooooooooo.

No, I'm thinking like a dumb idiot now, no, just- nah!

Arnav is nothing more than a nice person with a kind and gentle heart - there is no way that thought could be correct. Besides, he said it before that he wanted to be friends and that's... I guess yeah, I would say we're friends - like legit friends, know what I mean?

I mean friends take care of one another, right? If your friend got stupidly drunk and was vomiting all over the place, you'd be helping them and taking care of them. In our case, I'm the friend who gets terrible nightmares due to trauma, and Arnav is the friend who takes care of me.

Yeah, that analogy works... I think... yeah... yeah!

From the corner of my eye, I noticed Arnav running my way, and I'm momentarily stunned. The man is drenched with sweat, like completely soaked. I'm really curious to know what the hell he did to make it look like he just showered but bro....

Broooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The way his muscles and tattoos are glistening right now? Oh my god!

Oh ma gyad!!

Oh mah gah!!!

This is fucking wrong, this is a fucking crime, I need someone to be arrested and I don't fucking know why. Like this is just illegal, this is just- this- this is- this-

My brain just broke.

Arnav ran over to me, coming to a stop. He placed his hands over his knees, catching his breath.

"...you okay," I asked.

Arnav only nodded, still catching his breath.

"What did you do? Run up Mount Everest?"

Still keeping his hands over his knees, Arnav looked up at me with a grin.

Oh. Mah. Gah!!!!!!!!!

"Don't... make me... laugh," he panted with a smile.

Geez-us, you'd think he just orgasmed a truck load of cum- shut up!!!! Oh my fucking gosh, shut the fuck up!!!!!!!!

What the fuck is wrong with me?!!!!!!

"You okay," he asked.

"Uh, yeah! Yeah, I'm totally fine, breath regained and all... yeah, I'm good."

Except for the few bolts that have come loose in my fucking head!

Dammit, this recent episode of mine has gotten me really bad this time, huh? I mean how am I still this fucked up in the head?

Truck load of cum- stop it! Don't laugh at that! Don't think about that! Stop it!!!

Regaining his composure, Arnav went to the fountain and drank water. For whatever fucking reason, I find myself glancing at him from the corner of my eye, watching the way the water would coat his lips, as well as the way his Adam's apple bobbed when he would gulp-

Oh my-! Oh my fucking-!

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!

I forced myself to not look over, feeling relieved when Arnav was finally done drinking. He then sat down besides me on the bench, though there was significant space between us. He didn't say anything, but casting a glance at him, it looked like there was something going through his head.

I wonder what?

"Khushi, I'm sorry."

Whoa, hold up!

What?!

"What do you mean," I frowned.

Arnav let out a sigh and looked down, rubbing his hands together. "I... if I hadn't... because I grazed my finger-"

"Arnav, no."

Honestly, don't.

"Khushi-"

"Arnav, it's not your fault that I had an episode."

"But-"

"Seriously, Arnav, stop it. Okay? It is not your fault for what happened to me last night. ...it's mine."

Arnav's brows furrowed in the middle. "I don't understand."

...I have to come clean.

Letting out a sigh, I looked at him. "I went through your phone last night."

Arnav's eyes immediately widened.

"I saw that it was unlocked, and because I was really tempted to know what you knew about what happened between... that monster and I, I... I went through your emails with Aman to find it," I said lowly.

Arnav's eyes remained wide, him still in shock.

"Seeing those things... all those documents, it just..." I let out a sigh. "I triggered myself. You didn't do anything, it... it was all on me."

I looked over at Arnav but he was looking away, processing my words.

"I'm sorry," I said lightly.

Arnav instantly looked at me. "Don't be-"

"Don't-! ...don't be nice to me."

"Why shouldn't I be?"

"Because I invaded your privacy; I shouldn't have done that."

Arnav pursed his lips together. "True... but then again, I have nothing to hide, so I don't care."

I looked at him in shock. "You're not mad?"

"No," he replied, shaking his head. "Like I said, I have nothing to hide."

"So what? You're just gonna let anyone just look at your phone," and I rolled my eyes with a scoff.

"No, not to just anyone. Besides, you're not just anyone."

"Oh," I scoffed. "Then what am I?"

"Well... you're my wife."

My eyes instantly widened.

...What?

"You're my friend," and he smiled that small, polite smile of his.

He... I.... "Why are you so kind to me?"

"Because you're kind to me."

Am I? Sure I can be a cussy bitch that's always running her foul mouth, putting aunties down like it was an Olympic sport or some shit, but....

"You deserve kindness," I finally said.

"So do you."

Something about his words made my heart twist and relax, if that makes sense. I don't know the exact word for it but... but I felt light. I felt kindness, I felt...

I felt compassion.

And so without another thought, I reached over and kissed Arnav on his cheek. His cheeks instantly reddened as he looked at me in confusion and shock.

"Thank you for being you," I smiled softly.

"Um... y-you're welcome."

My smile slightly grew at his stutter.

"Thank you for being you, as well."

My smile grew even more. "You're welcome."