Warrior - Chapter Eleven

Warning: themes of sexual trauma are covered in this chapter - reader's discretion is advised

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"Get over here, Khushi!"

"Get over here you bitch!"

"I'm gonna fuck your tight cunt until you faint!"

I wake up with a scream, sitting up immediately. At first, I'm terrified, looking for a way out or a place to hide, but it slowly registers in my brain that I'm in my room, alone.

He's not here.

I let out a heavy sigh, pushing my hair out of my face. Looking down at myself, I remember that I didn't change out of my clothes, so I get up and go to my closet. When I catch sight of myself in the mirror, I can't help but to stare. My eyes are wide, still terrified. My makeup was messed up, but I couldn't give a single shit about it. Instead, I grabbed a hair tie and put my hair up in a messy bun, then reached back and unzip my dress. Brushing the straps off of my shoulders, it puddled down to the floor and I stepped out of it. Again, I caught sight of myself in the mirror. As I looked at myself, flashes of my bruised body from two years ago, cross my mind. Even though it's been so long, I still vividly remember the marks and the cuts. 

Prints of where his fingers tightly and aggressively grabbed my breasts, were still etched in my mind. Dark marks from the way he tightly gripped my waist, were still etched in my mind. Bruises and cuts from the way he bit my neck, were still etched in my mind. The way his mouth and tongue tried to ravage on my body, was still etched in my mind. The way his fingers almost touched me, was still etched in my mind.

Looking at myself in the mirror, it  seemed like all of those marks were back. It seemed like it was on me and I started rubbing at myself, trying to get rid of it, but nothing was happening. I quickly went running into the bathroom, heading straight for the shower, and turned the water on. No matter how hard I rubbed, it wasn't going away! I grabbed my body wash and squeezed a bunch of it out until it covered my whole palm, and rubbed it all over me, scrubbing hard to get rid of it.

Get it off! Get it off! Just please, go away!!

Tears start to stream down my cheeks as I wail, the sound getting drowned out with the water. My legs started to give out on me and I collapsed to the floor, screaming as the water poured over me.

It won't go away! None of it will go away!

I balled up on the shower floor, shaking and shuddering as I cried, soap suds surrounding me and getting in my hair.

I don't know how long I stayed like this. When the tears stopped, all I did was blankly stare forward, listening to the pit-pattering of the water. At one point, my body began to feel sore, begging for movement. So slowly, I picked myself up, still sitting on the shower floor. I didn't have that much energy yet, so I remained seated, properly washing myself up, as well as my hair. When I'm done, I finally muster up the energy to stand up, turn off the water, and exit the shower. I grab my robe and put it on, then head into the closet. This time when I see my reflection, nothing is triggered. All I see back is my reflection, and I look like shit. My leftover makeup was smeared, giving me raccoon eyes, so I quickly worked to remove it. Once that was done and I was moisturized, I grabbed a towel and squeezed the excess water in my hair out, then went to blow dry it a little. Then I reached into one of my wardrobes and grabbed some sweatpants, a t-shirt, and zip-up hoodie, and put them on.

My stomach suddenly started growling, so I headed on downstairs. The house was quiet, no doubt everyone still sleeping. When I reached the bottom of the steps, I looked at the clock on the wall to see that it was a little after six.

Yeah, there's no way I'm going into work today.

I make my way to the kitchen and grab some cereal. Opening the fridge, I find the milk and reach for it.

"Miss Khushi?"

A yelp nearly escapes my lips but my hand quickly slams over it. I turn around to see Gomez standing in the entryway, looking at me in confusion.

"Geez, Gomez, way to scare me!"

"Apologies, madam."

"Forget it, it's nothing," and I close the door to the fridge.

Gomez enters, and seeing the cereal and milk, he grabs a bowl for me and places it on the counter.

"Thanks Gomez."

The old man smiles at me in return. I watch him as I sit on a stool and pour the cereal into the bowl first, then pour my milk over it. Gomez switches out of his jacket and into his blazer, which is set aside in the worker's closet.

"Why are you in so early," I ask.

Gomez usually doesn't arrive till seven.

"I thought a special breakfast would be required today, so the kitchen staff will coming in shortly."

Special breakfast? That means one thing.

"You heard everything yesterday... didn't you,"I nearly whisper.

"I did," he softly replies.

I feel my lower lip tremble as tears threaten to fall again, but I force myself not to. Gomez notices and he comes over to my side, sitting down in the stool beside me.

"Is everything alright, dear," Gomez asks softly.

I purse my lips together, shaking my head. He sees me struggling to keep myself together, so he lightly pats my head, comforting me. It takes a few moments, but the closed feeling in my throat goes away and I'm breathing normally again.

"Gomez?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think... do you think I'm a bad person?"

"What? No, I absolutely do not! Why would you ever think such a thing?"

I bite my lip as I feel overwhelmed once more. "Then why did this happen to me," and I can no longer hold my tears back.

Gomez reaches out and hugs me as I cry into his arms. I try to hold my sobs in, in case someone ends up hearing it and comes in. Gomez consoles me in hushed tones, comforting me. When the tears finally stop, I pull back, wiping away my tears.

"Would you like some cocoa? It's a bit chilly this morning and your hair is still wet," Gomez tries to smile.

I nod; even as a kid when I would get upset, Gomez would cheer me up with some cocoa, simply because he knew of my undeniable love for chocolate.

"Gomez?"

"Yes, madam?"

"Nothing happened."

Gomez pursed his lips, but he nodded. "Nothing happened."

I nodded and watched him prepare my cocoa. This wasn't the first time I had an emotional breakdown in front of Gomez. After what happened... he's seen me like this a couple of times, but I make sure that he never tells anyone. Even though I've had several breakdowns over the two years, my family knows nothing about it.

And they never will.

Gomez, I can trust. Like I said, he's like family. If he had never caught me in the first place, collapsed on the kitchen floor with melted ice cream all around me, he never would've known. But given that he does, I have his trust that he'll never tell my parents, or else I'll fire him - simple as that. His contract is in my hands, not in my father's. One little flick of flames on the papers, and it's all over. But Gomez understands, and the threat in details was never necessary to be told - he's known me since birth; he knows me all too well.

I watch as Gomez stirs the cocoa in a pot over the stove. Gosh, he's been around for ages. Heck, he's like a grandpa to me. Nana passed away way before I was even born, and Dadaji passed when I was very little. The only memories I have of him are the photos in the family albums, but that's it. As far as my memory goes, the only grandfather I've ever had, was Gomez. Dadaji was the one to hire him, the two once being friends, and ever since Gomez joined the family, he never left, not even to have his own.

Pouring the cocoa into a mug, as well as some mini marshmallows, Gomez brought it to me.

"Thank you Gomez," and I tug up my sleeves onto my hands, then wrap them around the mug.

"Miss Khushi, may I speak freely?"

I look up at him. "Yes."

"Forgive them."

My eyes slightly widened.

"Parents only ever care about their children, only worry for their children. Your mother and father love you, and they want for you to be happy not just now, but for the rest of your life."

I look away.

"I understand that given the... circumstances, the idea of marriage is hard for you. You're happy here with your family, as one rightfully should be... but it won't be for forever.

"One day, as we all must, your parents, too, shall pass on from this world. I will have passed on as well. Your sister will grow, but she will start her own life - her own family."

I look down at my cup. "Payal's always been a secret romantic."

Her desire to get married one day and have kids had been evident ever since she was a teen.

"Yes. She'll start her own family, her own home... and that leaves you."

"Alone," I say for him.

Gomez sits back down in stool beside me. "I hope you understand, dear, that your parents are only looking out for you, particularly your mother. They blame themselves everyday for ever bringing that wretched monster into your life. They solely feel reliable for everything that has happened, feeling a guilt that will never go away."

I poke a marshmallow with my finger.

"They only want to right things, they only want you to be happy again."

I let out a heavy, shuddery sigh. "I know."

"No one's perfect, not even parents. But give them a chance, even if they do things without asking you properly."

Gomez's words were enough to understand that he was talking about yesterday's events.

"I should've just told my parents no from the start," I sighed.

"Perhaps. Or perhaps it's better you didn't."

Before I can open my mouth, some of the kitchen staff come in, giving me a smile and wishing me good morning when they see me. I smile back at them, and Gomez gets up, taking the soggy, abandoned bowl of cereal.

"Gomez?"

He turns back to look at me.

"What do you mean?"

Gomez glances down, pursing his lips for a moment. "For many years, I have been a butler to this family. And in the many years, I have learned when to keep my mouth open, when to keep my mouth closed; when to keep my ears open, when to keep them closed; when to keep my eyes open... and when to shut them."

I tilted my head with a frown.

"Trust me dear, even at this old age, my senses don't deceive me. And from what I heard that day - from what I saw that day the Raizada's came..."

My eyes slightly widened.

"Well, let's just say perhaps it is better that you didn't tell your parents no from the start."

With another soft smile, Gomez places the bowl in the sink and heads off to join the staff. For a moment, I sit there quietly, thinking over all of Gomez's words. I finally take a sip of my drink, the warm cocoa rushing down my throat and spreading warmth all throughout me. It's as if the sudden warmth had awakened my brain, bringing it to life.

I look back down at the cup of hot cocoa, then hold it up at eye level. Memories of the gala flash before my mind, remembering when Arnav was at the bar.

"Cheers."