Warrior - Chapter Thirty Four

 If we do end up getting married... then you should know that now and then, I have episodes.

Although they were only words at the time, today it had become reality.

And I hadn't expected it to be like this.

Actually, truth be told, I didn't have any expectations - I didn't know what to expect at all.

But this outcome had definitely not crossed my mind.

I looked at the woman who is my newly wedded wife for about two days, asleep with my hand in hers. Khushi had been asleep for a while now, but her grip had barely loosened. It wasn't as hard as it was when she was gripping it earlier, but it wasn't so loose yet, either.

Even the look of fear on her face hadn't reduced much either.

I glanced over at the end of the bed ad remembered the events from earlier. In all the time I'd seen Khushi, she seemed cool, calm, and collected - with of course her feisty nature. It was only earlier today, or rather yesterday I should say, that I caught a glimpse of her fear simply by opening the door to our room.

But what I just saw moments ago....

She looked terrified. She looked absolutely terrified. Not only that, but there was hysteria within her. Her eyes had been wide like disks, her dark brown eyes appearing darker than what they usually were. It was almost as if she wasn't even here.

Khushi had appeared more rather as a shell of herself, and nothing like the strong warrior I knew.

And I didn't like it at all.

What did that monster do to her? How could anyone even try to do what he did? How does one even think-! ...it's just something I'll never understand. But what I do need to understand is what exactly happened on that unfortunate night. That's why earlier in the day, I had asked my assistant, Aman, to pull up any and every bit of info on this case as soon as possible. I don't expect it to be something easy for Khushi to talk about, so that's why I've decided to look into the case files. But should Khushi ever feel that she can come to me and talk to me on this matter, I'll always be there to give her my ear.

The monster only has about two years of prison left, but if possible in any way, I'll make sure to keep him there longer.

Monster... is that how Khushi perceives him? In only that way? Possibly? After all, the way she had reacted earlier and had claimed for the monster being here on the bed....

Khushi lets out a sigh besides me, bringing my attention back to her. She moved ever so slightly and her grip on me loosens. Because of her movement, her hair falls over her face, so I reached out with my free hand and tucked it away behind her ear.

She looked so much more serene now. Her face didn't carry any of her fears anymore. No, there wasn't even a hint of it, which probably explained why her grip had loosened. Khushi now seemed more like her usual self, or rather, less guarded than she usually is.

I'll never forget the first moment I saw her. In fact, I'll never forget the day Mom first found out about Khushi. She had only just gotten home and was absolutely excited! As soon as she had come home, she had called all of us into the family room and told us about what she had witnessed at the Das' event and how she really liked Khushi. She had gotten the basic information from someone she knew, who also knew Khushi's family. None of us didn't care when mom mentioned Khushi was a divorcee, though when she further elaborated of the reason why Khushi had divorced her previous husband, no one in my family felt any sympathy to the monster.

Even though mom was super excited, she of course cared for her family's opinion. Somehow, she had managed to sneak and take a picture of Khushi, but she only cared to share it with my father. The other's didn't find it fair but I knew my parents all too well - this was no surprise to me. Once Dad saw the photo, I knew he liked her, especially when he complimented how fierce Khushi looked in the photo, which my mother then clarified that Khushi had still been angry in that moment.

My parents being my parents, even though it was quite clear that they were keen about this - especially since they never gave any other girl even this much thought that they had with Khushi in that moment - still looked to me for my opinion. But everyone knew very well of my opinion on the matter - everyone knew that the only woman I would marry, or even ever have a relationship with, would be with the one that my parents chose. So given that, there was nothing to think here, and I agreed with my parents' decision. My mother then asked me if it was okay for her to call Khushi's mother, whose number she had acquired from the mutual, and I agreed.

While mom got busy with her calls, Akash and NK approached me, both brothers of mine asking me how I was actually feeling about this. They both knew that I had never dated, nor ever been in any type of relationship with a woman before - they both knew why I had made this life-decision. Still, they were only being caring brothers, all of us always keeping an eye out for each other, and the two with me were no less.

"Bhai, what if you don't even end up being attracted to this girl," NK had asked.

"What if you two are never able to establish a connection," Akash had asked.

They only asked such questions simply because they cared. That's how family is, that's how it should be, its members always looking out for each other.

Not watching and hoping to see them miserably fail and fall apart.

The day then finally arrived when we went to the Gupta residence. My parents and I were greeted by her parents, led to the backyard, and we all sat down and started to exchange some words. It was Khushi's father who had announced them first, which brought all of our attention away from our conversations to them, but I had already noticed her from the corner of my eye.

And my god.

Even though I had never been involved with anyone before in my life, I've still had my fair share of women throwing themselves at me. They all tried to get my attention, none of them knowing what my set rules were. But because of that, I've had my fair share of looking at beautiful women. And like any other human, my mind was also curious, and like many humans, I searched the web. I knew what sex was and I've definitely had my fair share of porn, which slightly educated me on the matter; not to mention show even more beautiful women who were fully confident with themselves.

But none, in my opinion, compared to being as confident as Khushi Kumari Gupta.

I remember watching her come our way, her gaze off into the distance, looking towards the pool. She looked absolutely beautiful in her navy dress, her legs being exposed as she walked due to the front slits. The neckline of the dress, which was a v-cut, teased a little of what was there, and yet she was still formal.

Overall, she was just radiant. I could hardly take my eyes off of her, but thankfully because Khushi's father had announced them, all of us had our eyes on her and her sister as they came our way, allowing for me to gaze at Khushi and see her reactions. As soon as her father had announced them, Khushi's eyes had darted away from the distance and onto her father. As soon as her gaze turned our way, I could already tell one thing - she was bold. Not only was she bold, but she was confident, giving my parents the look-over before giving me one as well. I had seen the way she was properly analyzing me, but that got cut short due to her parents going over to her sides.

Once seated and the talking began, especially when Shashi Gupta directed the first question to me, from the corner of my eye, I had noticed the way Khushi had looked at me as soon as she heard my voice. However, I couldn't keep my focus on her since I had to engage in conversation with her father. Later, mom proposed seeing the gardens and Khushi was asked to escort her. I knew what mom's plans were, I knew her all too well.

The main reason why mom loved Khushi so much was because she was strong enough to fight for herself and defend herself, giving zero shits to society - something my mother wished she had done during her time.

It's something that my mother will forever love about Khushi.

When that was finally done and they returned to join us, I had snuck a few glances towards Khushi and realized that her focus was elsewhere. Then we were asked to join them inside for brunch, and I found myself sneaking another glance at her before following the others in.

Again, it's not like I've never looked at women before, of course I have! But none of them had ever made me feel what I had felt the moment I had seen Khushi, what I still feel every time I'm around Khushi.

Even now.

At first during the brunch, Khushi hadn't been there, but Payal had kept me company. Her words made it very clear how much she cared about her sister - how much she loved her. It was also clear that given what had happened to her sister in the past, she was also being protective of her.

Finally, Khushi joined us, and now and then I passed a few glances towards her, though I was careful since her sister was besides me. For the most part, I don't think anyone caught me, though I have a feeling their butler, Gomez, had caught me. Although the man's face gave nothing away, something told me that he had, though it wasn't like I was embarrassed nor really cared. And I doubt he would ever even say something.

Brunch came to its end and it was time for us to go. It was finally when we were leaving that Khushi had finally caught me looking at her, but I wasn't going to flinch. And yet surprisingly, yet not so surprisingly, Khushi hadn't flinched away either. In fact, I found it rather impressive and bold as she kept her eyes on me just as I kept my eyes on her.

As soon as my parents and I were in the car, mom's anxiety began. She told us everything of her conversation with Khushi in the garden, repeating the story for the family when we got home. All mom could do now was wait and hope that Khushi would reach out to meet me at least once. And while she did this anxiously, I did so secretly.

However, it was no secret to Akash and NK about what I thought. As soon as I went into my room, the two followed after me, asking me questions about how it went. It didn't take long before my bros realized that I actually liked Khushi, and they fully supported me.

Maybe a little too much since they eventually decided to mess with me, but that's also just them being idiots.

While mom tried not to be anxious and instead be patient as she hoped, I kept my focus on work. It was very easy for me to be distracted, having so many things to give my attention to. Among those things were events, which honestly, I hated going to. Though they were beneficial for business, it would always be such a pain to go to numerous of these things. Given who I am and the family that I belonged to, everyone wanted for me to attend their functions. But there was absolutely no way that was going to happen, and every year Aman and I would work out which events I would attend and which ones I wouldn't. We would rotate around events, which is why for many, even though they've been occurring annually for many years, I had never taken part of.

I never expected that by simply going to a gala I had never attended before, would result in Khushi and I bumping into each other.

Again, like all other functions, everyone wanted a piece of me. It wasn't something that I really liked, the way people crowded around me. Truth be told, I'm not a people person. For the first twelve years of my life, I mainly lived in seclusion, my parents and I having created our own little world in our tiny apartment. Events like these were nothing like that. So finally, when I got the chance, I took the moment to escape to the bar and get a drink. And just as I started to look around, my eyes spotted Khushi not so far away, down the bar. Again, she hadn't flinched away when I caught her looking at me. I, however, got interrupted since the bartender returned with my drink. Once he was gone, I turned my attention back to Khushi, and though I don't fully understand why, I waved my glass to her and she did as well in return.

Perhaps it was out of courtesy that I did it? Perhaps it was simply because it was her? I don't know for sure, but what I do know is that I finally spoke to her for the first time, later that night. I hadn't even realized she was to my left, not at first at least. And then we exchanged our first words, which actually felt very easy to do. Seeing her address me and talk to me with full confidence, and not all shy and full of blush like other women who have tried to encounter me in the past, was absolutely amazing to see. Unfortunately, that conversation came to a quick end, Khushi heading off to leave. Oddly enough, a part of me wasn't ready to see her leave so quick that I found myself following her outside and watching her leave in her car.

Again, I had never ever felt like this before. What I did feel that following Monday, however, was annoyance.

Gossip columns were no strangers to me, and my team and I have encountered many articles over the years, especially when I'm caught talking to a woman. These stupid gossip blogs and magazines have tried to pair me with many women, as well as have put me in fake relationships. They've never bothered me so much before, but that day when I saw that HiLites Today had posted Khushi and I together, I was absolutely irritated! And of course, it wasn't long till the family found out. While Akash and NK came to the office to mess with me, mom immediately blew up my phone, the three of them quoting the ridiculous title of the article.

Seriously, Mystery Lady with Raizada Baby? Who comes up with this shit?

After explaining what had happened, mom calmed down a little. She tried to be optimistic about it, hoping that our little encounter would result in Khushi actually wanting for us to sit down and talk.

Oddly enough, it did.

Had I hoped that Khushi would want to meet me once and get to know me? Absolutely. Did I think that she was really going to? Honestly, I had no clue. Given her past, it was understandable if she chose to never want to, but she was her own leader, her own decision maker, that much I had figured out for sure.

But she had actually agreed to meeting me.

Mom's head nearly popped off with excitement when she told me! She gave me Khushi's number and she couldn't wait for Khushi and I to finally sit down and talk, just the two of us alone. In fact, everyone in the family was excited for it to happen. I would be lying if I said I wasn't anxious at all when I sent her that first text, which was rather strange to me. Sure, I've only dealt with business and family, nothing ever on a romantic aspect, so it could explain why. But still - Arnav Singh Raizada was not one to get anxious.

Yet Khushi Kumari Gupta did exactly that to me.

Finally the night arrived of our dinner date, as the bros like to put it, and the moment I saw her, it felt as if my heart stopped. There's no denying the fact that I absolutely love the color red on a woman, it being my favorite color. It didn't matter what shade of red it was, I loved it either ways. But seeing Khushi in her red dress gave me a reaction I had never felt before. However, I had to quickly cover that up and act unaffected, instead greeting her. But me being me, I couldn't help but to look her over and again feel that feeling.

She truly looked amazing.

As the night went on, it was nothing like what I had expected. Actually, I didn't really know what to exactly expect. Sure, we had had our small conversation at the gala and had exchanged a few texts, but still I didn't really know what to expect. It was an interesting night, that's for sure, many words having been said. I had even told her my secret - that I was a virgin - and I half expected for her to laugh.

Look, I know the way of the world now, I know that many guys don't wait around - of course, that varies on where in the world you are.

In mine, it's like this.

They've made their choices, just as my bros have, and that's their decision to make. I've been surrounded by guys that have all been in sexual relations with someone, but one thing I never understood was their double standards towards women who do the same. It was back when I was in college and was a member of the basketball team. In the locker room, one of the guys started talking about how he'd only marry a girl who was untouched and never someone who had already had sex with another. Some of the other guys jeered in, agreeing with him, which made no sense to me. Maybe it's because of the way my parents raised me, maybe it's because of our situation - I don't know - but I always wondered why is that when guys decide to have sex before  marriage, it's not a big deal, but if a woman does it, it's a problem? Same thing applied when it came to my parents; while my father's so-called friends at the time clapped his back with pride, my mother was deemed as someone with a loose character, and simply put, a whore. Of course, once they found out they were pregnant with me, then both became the big bad of the town, but that's not the point here.

The point here is why is it that women aren't allowed the same freedom as men when it comes to this aspect? And what is it with the double standards? A man can fuck any number of people but their partner for life has to be pure? I agree with the phrase your body, your decisions, but what are these double standards? And then with women, if they chose to be abstinent, then they're old school, but if they chose not to, they're curses to society and branded as sinners and whores?

Why? Why can't people just choose to live their lives their way? Be happy in their own accords? Why must we all judge what others choose for themselves? You don't ask anyone for permission before you do make a life decision so why should anyone else?

I've seen it all too well when it comes to my family. I've seen the way people insulted my mother and tried to call her a whore, simply because she had sex before marriage and got pregnant. And what's funny is that many of these people who tried to insult her with that were also people who had sex before marriage as well - they just hadn't been caught. Then of course there were those who constantly pulled the sin card, always ready to tackle my mother mainly as a harlot and for being a walking sin. 

If there's a reason why I have no faith in religion, it primarily falls on these people. After all, how could those who preach about religion be so disgusting and fowl in return? It never made sense to me and it most likely never will. Just as this made no sense to me, the double standards towards women never will either. So when Khushi revealed that she wasn't a virgin, I didn't care.

Her life, her body - her choice.

End of.

Just as I made the choice for me for the occurrences of my life by my right, Khushi had that same right as well, and no one could convince me otherwise. I chose to remain a virgin so that it gave no person even the chance to say something about me, especially Dadaji, even though in society it was normal for a male my age to not be. And yet, when I told Khushi, she didn't laugh at me like I had expected her to. Instead, she didn't know if she should believe me, which I don't blame her for one bit.

That night had been truly eventful, the conversation once again carrying on with ease. A part of me didn't want it to end, but of course, it did. Mom's anxiety went through the roof afterwards, but then Khushi called and she actually agreed.

She actually agreed to marry me.

Though we had talked about several things at dinner, I wasn't exactly sure why Khushi had agreed. That's why I had asked to meet her at the park, and when she told me it was about protection....

I glanced down at Khushi, who looked absolutely at peace in her sleep now. One look at her now and you wouldn't even think that she had been hysterical in fear only a while ago.

Protection.... I meant it when I said that I'd protect her forever. It's a vow I intend to keep and to never fail her on. This may be the sole reason on why she agreed to marry me, and I don't mind it at all. Despite the strange feelings and reactions I get just by seeing her or even being near her, I see a friendship that's been forming, and I am honored to have a friend like her for life, no matter what.