Warrior - Chapter Sixty Four

 I'm restless! I'm absolutely restless!

No matter how hard I try, I just can't fall asleep! No matter what!

After Arnav and I had spoken, I had let Shalini Singh Raizada and the others know that he had reached his hotel. Some time later, he had called his mother and spoken with everyone else as well. After dinner, Arnav had called again, this time on video, and showed me his enormous suite. He had a massive view of the city around him, especially in his bedroom, which by the way was very elegant and modern. Even the living room was nice. The kicker for me was the bathtub being by the window, so naturally I had to make fun of it, asking Arnav if he would be giving the local residents a show. The man, of course, blushed at my joke and basically had said he was more of a shower person, and tried to evade anymore of the joke. After that, it was just a chill conversation, though for me it was starting to get late. As for Arnav, it was still pretty early for him, given the 8 hour time difference between us and him. So he bid me goodnight and we hung up, then I got ready for bed, and ever since the moment I laid down, I just haven't been able to shut my eyes.

I just can't fall asleep.

This is so fucking ridiculous, why am I being a stupid night owl for? Why the fuck can't I fall asleep! Geez-us!

With a huff, I turned to my side and looked at the empty space next to me. Memories began to flood in my mind, starting back to the first time I ever saw Arnav Singh Raizada.

It's funny, isn't it? There was I time where I used to refer to him as Arnav Singh Raizada - CEO of AR Group of Industries, tattooed badass and yet somehow he's turned into Arnav. 

Just Arnav.

But at the time I met him, he was only Arnav Singh Raizada to me - the man who had come over to my place with his parents because they were interested in a rishta with me.

Remember how ballsy Shalini Singh Raizada was? Obviously the woman still is, but she's been more sweet to me since then, which really isn't surprising given the fact that she really wanted for me to marry her son. And given that I have, it's been nothing but a dream come true for her.

Aryan Singh Raizada has sort of just been there. Sure, he loves me as well, not to mention supports me. Although he's never said much, he's always supported his wife and her choice, so I guess that's why there was really no reason to. His love and support has been obvious since day one, and remembering the way the man had been so happy during the wedding festivities is more than enough proof.

Sigh... the wedding. I guess in some ways it was eventful leading up to it, to say the least.

I remembered the first time I saw Arnav after him and his parents had came over - the time I discovered that Arnav was a tattoo man. Now here we are - me waiting to see what his idea for his next tattoo is. 

The next time I saw him after that was at that gala. It was such a brief conversation since I had to leave but....

I don't think I'll ever be able to forget how he watched my car as I left.

Have I asked him about that yet? The dinner could've been a good- oh right, the dinner!

It's been quite a while since that event happened. It's still somewhat surprising how that evening went. I had gone into it with full intent of a business deal and yet....

Completely different than what I had initially thought of in my mind.

Geez, I really need to get that blog up and running ASAP. If only things would just work along as the way it fucking should! And I definitely need to get the paperwork properly done with Arnav and his 10 percent.

Schiesse, I'm all over the place with this thing.

And yet, on that night, I wasn't. Not really, if I think about it. Neither was Arnav, really. Bombshells were dropped by both of us, sure... though I think Arnav's is bigger.

The virgin badass, tattooed CEO... shocking!

It still blows my mind that he actually is a virgin. Loyal as his intentions were, I still can't help but to be surprised. But then again, that's why he's always so blushy over almost everything.

It's quite funny that I'm married to such a blushing man. I mean I didn't know it at the time, I only had agreed for the sake of myself because I wanted the good security I knew he would provide - which he totally has. And I mean, come on, Arnav was rather gutsy and brave when we were at the park, and he had taken hold of my hand and placed a kiss on it while we were still holding hands. I bet if he tried that now, he'd turn into a tomato!

I wonder what changed?

No, Arnav wasn't this blushy dude back then. He was more of a chill and friendly dude - not that he isn't now, but back then... he was trying to start a friendship. Now, there is a friendship - a sense of closeness, protection, love-

Bitch say what now?

No... no, no, no, no... no!

Noooooooooooooo!

Bahahahahahahahahahahah!!! NO!

Did I just-? Did I really-? Pbht!!!

I probably look like a total idiot right now, laughing like a hyena out of nowhere, but bruh!

BRUH!!!

What in the fucked upness am I-! Bruh! BRUH!

This is the shit I get from drinking wine earlier at dinner; I told Shalini I didn't want anymore but her and her kindness, but ugh! I needed that laugh bitch! I really needed that laugh!

Love! Me? And love-! Pbht! Bahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Oh I crack myself up, I really do be cracking myself up a lot!

Oh! Love - me and love. Sike bitch! I mean I can't even fucking feel, my heart is still fucking traumatized! Fuck, I'm still fucking traumatized from that shit with him and I really- love? Bitch, get the fuck outta here!

Love!

Such fucking nonsense! Then again, I deserve this bullshit, I know I shouldn't have wine before going to bed because it fucks with me - clearly - and yet I don't learn my fucking lesson!

Love - what a joke!

Oh, what idiocy! Me and lo- I can't even say it, it sounds that stupid! I can't even-! Oh, I sound like Payal and her sappy bullshit nonsense!

Love! What nonsense! What is this, a romance novel? Get the fuck outta here!

Love. It's complete rubbish! It's shit that does not exist at all, it's all a fucking delusion!

Love. Such a disgusting lie it is! It's complete garbage, that's what that foul word is. It's a sham, a con!

It's a joke.

Thank goodness my heart is still damaged and my brain functions for itself and my damaged heart. Because even if my heart had recovered for a bit, it only would've gone back into despair from this bullshit nonsense.

Love. It's such a disgusting four letter word. People want to recoil and get mad at me for saying fuck all day - well they're fucking stupid! Because the word that's actually foul and disgusting is love, not fuck. When you say fuck, it means every sense of the word depending on how you're expressing it - could be anger, could be from happiness - but it has a solid meaning, it's just that. But a bullshit word like love is nothing but lies and deception. So miss me with that shit! To society I say a big fuck you, and yes I'm holding up both of my middle fingers! Because at least with that, it's real, unlike your love bullshit nonsense - fuck you!

Fuck you!

Fuck! You!

FUCK YOU!

Love... disgusting! There's nothing else in the world that's as deceptive as that fucking bullshit, nothing at all! It's foul and it's rubbish.

Love.

I'm fucking over this shit.