Warrior - Chapter One Hundred and One

Warning: themes of sexual trauma are covered in this chapter - reader's discretion is advised

 ~

It wasn't until long later when Arnav arrived to pick me up. Squirt and I walked over to the car, and I got in.

"Hi Jij," she beamed.

"Hi Payal, you want a ride," Arnav asked.

"No, I'm gonna stay till the end of the show."

"With Akash," I questioned.

Payal scowled at me, then looked at Arnav. "I'm sorry my sister is such a pain in the ass."

"Hey!"

"I don't know how you deal with it."

"Trust me, she's not that much of a pain," Arnav chuckled.

"See," I quipped.

"Yeah, yeah," Payal waved. "Get home safely you guys!"

Saying our farewells, Arnav pulled away and took us home.

"So, how was it? Did you need to use the evil-aunty method I suggested," Arnav asked as he gave me my phone back.

"Nope. In fact I didn't even realize when it was over."

"Well that's good, then it means that you weren't stressed out at all."

"Hmm, not one bit."

Not one bit at all.

When we got home, I found Mama and the other ladies waiting for me. As soon as they saw me, they all came running forward, asking a bajillion and one questions about the show. We had to take this into the den, where the gents soon joined us. It was clear that all of them were very excited for when Akash would have the footage ready.

Speaking of one of the boys, where's the other?

"NK went out with some of his friends," Choti Ma explained.

Oh! This late? Well who am I to judge, I did stupid shit like this once upon a time, too.

"You must be exhausted, why don't you go and get some rest," Mama said.

With that, Arnav and I headed upstairs to our room.

Fuck! Do I tell him? Should I tell Arnav that I've realized that I'm in love love with him? I mean he loves me so if I were to tell him, he'd be totally happy! But-!

"You okay?"

Snapping out of my thoughts, I looked up to see Arnav frowning at me. Only then did I realize that was still standing by the door.

"Sorry, just lost in thought," I said sheepishly.

"Are you worried about the performance? I thought you said-"

"No, no, it's nothing like that. Just... after-show jitters, it's totally normal. You know after an adrenaline rush and what not."

What the fuck am I even saying?!

"Oh! Okay.... Well, uh, why don't you wash up first."

"Yeah, I'll do that," and I went zipping into the closet.

What the fuck?! Was I seriously debating on telling Arnav that I'm in love with him? I can't do that! If I tell him-! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No! I can't-! No!

No!

Telling Arnav right now would not be the wisest thing, I mean... I mean I've just only found out for myself! Is it even accurate? Is it even real? I could be mistaken-

Dhak-dhak! Dhak-dhak!

Dhak-dhak! Dhak-dhak!

Or... maybe I'm not mistaken. ...Maybe... maybe it is real.

Dhak-dhak! Dhak-dhak!

Dhak-dhak! Dhak-dhak!

Fuck! 

Fuck, it is all real, isn't it? I mean imagining him during my performance the way Vikrant had suggested- fuck!

Fuck! I mean-! 

Fuck!

Holy fuck, I'm in love! I'm actually in love! With Arnav! What the f-! Oh my fucking gosh!

Is this what love is supposed to feel like? I don't necessarily feel different.

Dhak-dhak! Dhak-dhak!

Dhak-dhak! Dhak-dhak!

Well, except for that. But even so... wow! I...

I'm actually in love. I never thought... and yet here we are.

As water poured down on me in the shower, I closed my eyes, and all I could see was the vision of Arnav I had during my performance. It had felt as if her were near me - close enough to touch me. At times it had almost felt as if he had. And yet it was nothing but a dream! A daydream, rather, but still, a dream.

Who knew that all it would take to figure out my love for him was a performance and advice for that performance.

And yet... fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Fuck!

Telling him... shit! I want to but... but I can't!

I can't! Not yet, at least! I mean this is just a new discovery for me, I have to think about all of it carefully! I can't just go running like a chicken with its head cut off! Absolutely not!

I have to go about this carefully... properly.

Sure, Arnav's admittance wasn't exactly the most romantic of ways, though that's really my fault. But for my admittance... well it definitely can't be like that, that's for sure.

No, I'll have to this right... I definitely can't just go blurting it like an insane person!

But even then... who's to say things will go well? What if even after I tell him in a proper, well thought out way, somehow... somehow things just might go bad. I can't have anything good after all, people like to think of me as some curse! I never used to think of it like that before, and I definitely put those sons of bitches in their places, no matter which bitch of an aunty came my way! But now... now I'm terrified!  

What if I curse this? What if I curse my love for Arnav? What if I curse the love Arnav has for me? 

What if that curse makes him fall out of love with me?

...I don't think I'll be able to bare it. My fears - all of it will have come true!

No - no I can't say anything, I'll have to keep it to myself! If it stops me from cursing this love of ours, then fine, so be it! I'll just... I'll just love Arnav from a distance! He can love me however he wants but I... I'll keep it distant. 

Yeah, yeah... that's a good plan... yeah, it's great... yeah.

Finished with my shower, I dried myself up, put on my robe, and quickly worked on my hair, drying it thoroughly. When I stepped into the closet and was looking for something to wear, Arnav came in, grabbed his clothes, and headed to the bathroom. I eventually opted for a white henley and black pajama bottoms, since tonight was a little more chilly.

I hate when the weather goes up and down like this, like what the fuck? One minute it's hot, the next it's cold, like come on! Stay stable!

Going back into the room, I made quick work of my skin. Not long later, Arnav came out, took care of his business, and then we headed downstairs for dinner. Neither of the boys were back yet, but I guess it made sense. After all Akash needed the time to set things up, so he'll definitely need the time to take things apart. As for NK, he's a 21 year old who recently got his real ID, of course he's gonna goof off.

Once dinner was over, we all retired for the night. When we finally got to bed, I couldn't help but to let out a sigh.

"Exhausted," Arnav asked.

"Yeah, kinda. It'll be nice to not have to worry about dance practice anymore. Now I can just focus on the launch of Rupam next week, and solely focus on that."

"I bet you're excited about it."

"You have no idea; it's something I've been working on for quite a while now. Sure, Dad's got his whole company and all of its divisions but this... this is mine. Rupam is mine, it's like my baby, my passion project!"

"I know what you mean. Dadaji had his empire and all of its divisions as well, but Arani... that was different for us. Sure, Dad launched it and Ma helped along, but it was my dream to make it larger than life."

"And larger than life, it is."

"Thanks to my family's support," he smiled softly. "And the way they supported me, I'll be supporting you with Rupam."

A small smile spread over my face. "Thank you, Arnav... I really appreciate it."

Almost instinctively, I had moved to place a kiss on Arnav's cheek, but fortunately, I had stopped myself.

I can't jinx this, I can't curse this!

I think Arnav was expecting me to do it as well because when I didn't, a small frown covered his face.

"We should get some sleep," I murmured.

"Sure."

Reaching over, Arnav turned off the lights, and we settled into bed.

I can't let this get cursed... I can't!

I won't let it be ruined! I won't let my love for Arnav be cursed!

*~*

Cursed you say?

Huh?

That's interesting....

Opening my eyes, I found nothing but darkness around me. There were dark clouds roaming from above and harsh cold air, breezing by.

No, no, no, not again! Not this-!

Oh? But didn't you miss me?

A terrible feeling crawled up my spine, making me recoil.

No, not this! Not you-!

Oh but it is...

I whipped my head around, trying to find where the voice was coming, when suddenly I came face to face with a dark figure with red beady eyes.

You're mine!

No-!

But the figure went completely past me, jumping high above me and going to the other side...

Straight to Arnav.

No!!!!!!

Shooting up in bed, I stared wide eyed as I breathed heavily. I quickly looked around, finding myself to be in my room and quickly looked to my right. Arnav was still peacefully asleep, a small smile gracing his lips, his chest faintly rising and dropping.

Fucking hell... he- fuck!

Why the fuck did I have to get that nightmare? Why-? Fuck, man!

Already having moved to my side of the bed in my sleep, I reached over to my bedside table and went to pour myself some water. Unfortunately, the jar was empty.

Fuck me!

With a sigh, I got up, taking the jar with me, and headed out of the room. The mansion was pretty dark, given how late it was, though truth be told, I have no clue what time it is.

Making my way to the stairs, I started heading down, when in my dazed state, I could've sworn I saw something from the corner of eyes. Whipping around, over on the other staircase, I saw a dark figure looking down at me.

No...

Chills instantly crawled over my and my grip on the jar loosened, it dropping and shattering to the floor. However, the sound of it shattering could not be heard, not over my blood-curdling scream.